Time for Balance {Part 2} – Put Change in Motion

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Restoring Balance Part 2 Putting Change in MotionNAM pic 2 It’s one thing to realize change is necessary in order to move forward and establish balance; it’s quite another to put change in motion…

But that is the journey I, like so many, am currently on in my life.

As I mentioned in {Part 1} of this series, “Adjusting Priorities”, it took my life getting to a place of total chaos for me to finally realize my priorities were out of whack. But once I did… once I identified what the problem was (it was me!), I was able to release my burdens to God and allow Him to speak into my life the changes that needed to be made; while I simply listened…

Now I am in a season of putting that change in motion. It’s never enough to simply say, “Yeah, my priorities got all out of balance, I need to fix them…” and never actually take any real steps toward executing the change that is required.

As I welcome you into my journey I aim to provide tips along the way that are working for me at the moment… this is a first-hand, real-time look into my journey… one of Restoring Balance.

Below are the two major steps I have taken to Restore Balance in my life:

Adjusting Priorities: I made a list of my priorities in their current state along with a list of what they should look like. Doing this provided me with indisputable evidence of just how far out of balance my life had become! A clear indicator that adjusting my priorities was critical in order for balance to be restored. Here is what my lists look like:
Put Change In Motion: I took my new list and began putting change in motion. I began to seek God for the strength I needed to make an immediate adjustment in my life. I didn’t want to sit on this revelation allowing time to pass without taking any real steps to implementing these new priorities – my life was out of balance NOW so I was going to make changes NOW. I brought my list(s) to God and fell on my face in humility before Him recognizing it was through HIS strength and His wisdom that I would be able to put change in motion, immediately!

So this is where I am at right now… it’s been a challenge but I’m doing it. Essentially I had created some bad habits and we all know how difficult it is to break bad habits and implement good ones. Work was at the very top of my list when for me, as a stay-at-home-mom, it should have been at the very bottom. I had neglected my family, my home and even myself… my kitchen was a mess, my floors were dirty, the laundry had piled up to the point where it was impossible to tell which was the “clean pile” and which was the “dirty pile”.

My piles had merged to form hybrid piles of their own… the “clean-ish pile” and the “dirty-ish pile”!

My husband was doing all he could do to help out but at the end of the day the condition of our home was on my shoulders. I am so thankful for the man I married! He waited in prayerful patience, quietly praying that I would hear God’s voice and be able to see for myself how out of balance things had really gotten. He respected my fragile condition and trusted it was only a matter of time before I heard God speak.

Before, my days were an impulsive juggling act of work, taking care of my kids, work, spending time as a family, work, remembering to eat and breathe, work, spending time with God, more work and then it was time for bed.

Now I approach my days with intention! I wake up ready to spend time with God, in His word and in my devotions, I enjoy my time with my family, while taking care of my home and myself. When my children are in bed I crack open the laptop to sit down and write and focus on work.

The beautiful thing is – these last couple weeks of focusing less on work I haven’t missed a single deadline, I haven’t felt strapped for creative time, in fact – I feel freer and more creative than ever before! I feel alive again! Once I adjusted my priorities and began to put change in motion, I reconnected with my children and my husband and my home is finally starting to feel back in order… the scales of balance are beginning to level out.

There are still some things I would like to merge in to my daily routine like exercise and fun outings with my family… but incorporating new things will come in time… the first and most important thing is being consistent while adjusting to my new set of priorities and putting change in motion!

Dear Jesus, thank you for your guidance as I walk through this process of restoring balance in my life and in my home. I ask that you give me the strength I need to continue moving forward. Help me to remain consistent in this journey. Help me to always be sensitive to the delicate scales of balance in my life… as quickly as they level out they can just as quickly topple over… Guide me in each step of this journey so that I may apply Godly wisdom in each new phase. In Jesus Mighty Name, amen.

Blessings,

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Have you read Restoring Balance {Part 1}: Adjusting Priorities?? Click here to read it…

Time for Balance {Part 1}: Adjusting Priorities

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Something I have learned after having two children and feeling the scales of balance shifting over and over again is this: if life feels like it is out of balance – it probably is! As mothers we are often heard making statements like, “My life is so crazy right now!” Or “I feel like life is totally out of control!” A mother’s senses are usually right on. We are very in tuned to the needs of our families so if we are beginning to feel like the world is spinning out of control around us then it more than likely IS!

Restoring Balance part 1 Adjusting Priorities NAM Pic The problem isn’t identifying that our lives are in need of a stabilization overhaul the problem is pin pointing the areas in our lives that we need to let go of and/or adjust in order to balance out the scales.

So HOW do we do this?

Well, we waive the white flag and surrender to the only One who sees the bigger picture and can help us readjust our lives – we turn to Jesus and surrender it all to Him!

Over the last several weeks I began feeling the world literally closing in on me… it was enough to make me claustrophobic! I felt stuck. I felt like I was heading down the road to a nervous breakdown and there was no exit ramp in site and nowhere for me to stop and make a quick U-turn. Looking in the rear-view mirror – the road behind me had become one big blur. The more I tried to figure how I had ended up in this place the more stressed out and hopeless I felt.

I could sense my tolerance level was rapidly declining. As much as I love and adore my children, they were getting on my last nerve! My patience seemed to have run its course so their normal toddler curiosity and stubbornness was beginning to make my blood boil – not good!

Knowing I was at my whit’s end I sent out an S.O.S. to anyone who would listen. I cried out to God, to my husband, to my family, to friends and pastors at our church… I felt like all I was doing was crying… but you know what – IT WORKED! God heard my cries for help and began to speak into my life.

The interesting thing is – looking back, I realize that all of the prayers were not to get God to hear me… no, the prayers were needed to get me to hear God!!

God heard me the very second I cried out to Him for help. He was simply waiting on me to arrive at a place in my own heart that I could listen to His response. It’s amazing how we get in God’s way sometimes…

Anyway, God heard me and I was finally ready to hear Him.

It didn’t come as some earth shattering revelation where the roof of my house was blown off and God rushed in like a mighty wind telling me in a low authoritative thunder, “This is what you need to do…” No, He simply began whispering into my spirit about my life and my priorities. As I moved about my house that morning, picking up toys and making coffee, God began showing me what my life had become and I was finally able to see how out of balance my priorities had gotten.

Though I work from home, I was putting my business at the top of my “to do” list each day. I was neglecting my family, my home, myself all for the sake of trying to contribute financially to our family. A noble cause, sure, but I had pushed everything else in my life aside and made this my one and only focus. It was not my intention for this to happen… it just happened. When all along my heart has been to be at home with my children, and God has blessed me with the opportunity to be able to do just that. After finally listening to God’s response to my S.O.S. I was able to let go of the pressures I had been feeling and release it all to Him.

Letting go has given me the freedom I needed to allow myself to be the mommy and wife I so longed to be.

No matter where you are at in life – a stay at home mom, a working mom, a work at home mom – there will always be challenges. There will always be a need to readjust the scales of balance and reassess priorities… the key in all of this is listening and adjusting. Listen to your instincts that are telling you something is off and then seek the Lord for guidance as you aim to readjust priorities. He is always there ready to offer you guidance the very second you cry out to Him for help… just make sure you are listening.

Dear Jesus, thank you for your sweet guidance and gentle nudges! Though sometimes I wish you would just bop me over the head and tell me I am off course I am thankful that you are sensitive to my needs and that you approach me with such care. Bless this new series on Restoring Balance and bless each person reading it… Continue to guide me as I aim to restore the balance in my own life, my home, and my work. You are the Almighty God… in You I put all my trust. In Jesus Mighty Name, amen.

Blessings,

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Time for Balance – New Series

Posted on March 10, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

The problem isn’t identifying that our lives are in need of a stabilization overhaul the problem is pin pointing the areas in our lives that we need to let go of and/or adjust in order to balance out the scales.

So HOW do we do this?

Well, we waive the white flag and surrender to the only One who sees the bigger picture and can help us readjust our lives – we turn to Jesus and surrender it all to Him!

The interesting thing is – looking back, I realize that all of the prayers were not to get God to hear me… no, the prayers were needed to get me to hear God!!

Anyway, God heard me and I was finally ready to hear Him.

Though I work from home, I was putting my business at the top of my “to do” list each day. I was neglecting my family, my home, myself all for the sake of trying to contribute financially to our family. A noble cause, sure, but I had pushed everything else in my life aside and made this my one and only focus. It was not my intention for this to happen… it just happened. When all along my heart has been to be at home with my children, and God has blessed me with the opportunity to be able to do just that. After finally listening to the God’s response to my S.O.S. I was able to let go of the pressures I had been feeling and release it all to Him. Letting go has given me the freedom I needed to allow myself to be the mommy and wife I so longed to be.

Blessings,

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

All About Balance

Posted on March 6, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Balance… oh, sweet balance. Where oh where have you gone? After we have kids the delicate scales of balance we worked a lifetime to adjust seem to go toppling over completely! However tiny our sweet bundles of joy are they seem to have an enormous impact on our balanced lives. Once the dust settles we begin to see that our new baby now occupies one whole side of the scale and it is up to us to determine what facets of our lives we can incorporate on the other side with out tipping the scales.

This is usually done through trial and error… we incorporate something and see how it impacts our families. If it doesn’t work we let it go. If it incorporates smoothly we may be able to hang on to it. Trial and error… over and over… until we finally establish a whole new normal.

I have learned as my children have gotten older that this process repeats itself time and again… with each new age and stage comes a whole new set of needs and priorities. It seems just as I am getting used to my new “new normal” the need to reestablish balance and priorities presents itself yet again.

Because the need for balance is such a common pain point for most mothers I have dedicated the entire month of March to “Restoring Balance” in our lives. All of our posts will be centered around this simple, yet complex concept. We will be giving you tips and tricks to help you in your journey. I am on a personal mission to restore balance in my own life which has gotten so completely out of control lately. As I have sought God on how to restore balance He has begun to show me how my priorities have shifted from His perfect design. Through prayer and fasting I am dedicating this month to seeking God’s wisdom to help me shift my priorities and restore balance in my life and my family.

I invite you along for the journey to read how God paves the way for me and I pray through my transparency you will find yourself encouraged and maybe even a little inspired too. Be sure to subscribe to our blog to ensure you don’t miss a thing! {Plus, all new subscribers this month will be entered to win Max Lucado’s special edition Grace for the Moment.}

As always – I welcome any questions, comments, testimonies about your own journey, and prayer requests you may have!

Blessings,

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

6 Laundry Styles – Which Are You?

Posted on March 5, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Written by: Laura Rouse-DeVore

I have come to the realization, and accepted, that my husband and I are two very different creatures when it comes to the way we do some of our household chores. We have known for quite some time in our fourteen years of marriage that we are very different when it comes to “domestication”.

My husband does very good domestically and I, well… I struggle through the best I can.

When it comes to laundry we have very different “laundry styles” and the expansion of our family has only caused an exponential growth in the “laundry gap” as it relates to our “domestic differences”. Therefore, I think it is of utmost importance for you to all discover your “laundry style”, so that you can have a greater level of understanding of the potential for “domestic differences” in your own homes.

I have outlined six different “laundry styles” below. I encourage you to read over them all and see if there is any self-discovery!

1.) The Laundry Master: The Laundry Master always has all dirty laundry washed. There is never, nor would there ever be a pile up. Hampers are not necessary in their homes. They have done loads with only one or two articles in them, just because they couldn’t stand the thought of letting dirty laundry just “sit there”. They do laundry every day. They may even be heard saying that they enjoy it! They look up recipes on Pinterest about how to make their own exotic-scented laundry detergent from scratch. They fold the laundry and put it away as soon as the dryer buzzes. They never have problems with unmatched socks or dry clean only garments accidentally getting washed. They have mastered and take pride in their laundry skills and abilities.

2.) The Washer, not the Folder: This person has piles in the back end of the laundry process. They don’t mind washing the clothes, but hate the process of folding and putting the laundry away. They can usually be found digging through clean laundry piles on weekday mornings looking for their favorite work shirt. A good sign of a person with this laundry style is clean clothes on hangers dangling from the treadmill.

3.) The Folder, not the Washer: This person has piles in the front end of the laundry process. They may let the dirty laundry pile up, but when they get around to washing the loads, they get a great sense of satisfaction from sitting matching the socks; and from a highly organized closet. They may even have dresser drawer organizers.

4.) The Laundry Churner: This person tends to do the same loads of laundry and has the same garments in each load. They typically wash what they wear and wear what they wash. This cycle repeats itself over and over each week. This laundry style may be combined with others to create some sort of unique hybrid laundry style. Laundry Churners are usually recognized by their repetitive outfit wearing.

5.) The Laundry “Composter”: The Laundry Composter is very similar to The Laundry Churner, except Laundry Composting involves piles of dirty laundry and piles of clean laundry. You will find a Laundry Composter digging through a dirty pile of laundry to pick out what they need. They will wash that, dry it, and then it goes into the clean pile. They may also be found digging through the clean pile looking for a specific garment. Typically, despite the large piles of dirty and clean laundry, a Laundry Composter will wash and dry the same loads every week. This is where the “composting” comes in. If their needs change one week or if they tire of the “typical” wardrobe, they will sift through the piles to find a completely different load of laundry. Laundry Composters are usually recognized by their need to give clothing articles to charities and/or by their seemingly sudden wardrobe revamps.

6.) The Laundry Hoarder: Laundry Hoarders are the people who don’t wash or dry on any sort of regular basis. They may collect dirty clothes for extended periods of time and then make one huge trip to the laundromat. They tend to purchase new clothes and underwear rather than laundering the dirty ones. They may use environmental concerns as an excuse to not launder regularly. You will recognize a Laundry Hoarder because they are the ones who seem like “Laundromat Professionals”. They have exact change, know how many loads they are going to do, have their favorite machines all saved, know when the best time is to go, and have their reading materials and lunch packed and in tow. They can also be recognized because they shop in lieu of doing laundry.

So, how did I do? Were you able to identify your “laundry style”? In full disclosure, I am a “Laundry Hoarder” and my husband is a “Laundry Churner”…we meet in the middle at “Laundry Composting” in our house!! But, isn’t it okay to be a little different? Isn’t it okay to be challenged by The “Laundry Masters” in our lives?

As busy moms, isn’t it okay to let the laundry pile up if it means we are significantly pouring into the lives and hearts of our children??

Everyone has different priorities and we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. If Laundry is something you haven’t made a priority in your life, it likely means you have chosen to make something else a priority. In my own life – “Laundry Hoarder” and all – I have answered “Yes” to the above questions. Priorities are a part of life, chores are a part of life, and laundry is a part of life; but how we respond and prioritize is what makes us unique and different. So, understand your “domestic difficulties and differences” and embrace your “Laundry Style”! Because no matter what your laundry situation is, YOU WERE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

In a comment below, please share what your “laundry style” is!

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

8 Tips for Working Moms

Posted on March 2, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Written by: Brenda L. Yoder M.A.

Ten years ago, I went from being a full-time, stay-at-home-mom for eleven years to a full-time teacher of high school students. It was a rude awakening. Over the last few years, people have asked, “How do you do it?” Here are some words of wisdom for working moms, especially those who have had time at home with their kids.

1. Life will never be the same, so don’t expect it to be. If you can realistically see your life in seasons, it will help. This is the working season, so don’t try to expect to do everything you did as a SAHM. It’s not possible. But this season can be good, too. Realize you are in transition, and give yourself grace as you figure out how life looks in this season.

2. Talk with your husband about the new “normal.”For a year or so I tried to do everything I did as wife and mother before I worked. It wasn’t possible. Ron and I had a discussion and I shared the things that were most stressful for me. For me, that was paying the bills and cleaning the house. For a few years we had a cleaning lady, but after she quit, he looked at me and said, “We can do this together.” So he sweeps each weekend, and I have time to get the other household chores done. He’s also learned to make meals if needed and he helps clean up the dishes after we eat. It’s become a partnership. And don’t let anyone tell you, “My husband wouldn’t do that.” I married the #1 farmer-husband-who-did-not-do-a-thing-in-the-house growing up. If your husband is supporting you, it’s okay to say, “I can’t do it all.”3. Working or Not Working Does Not Define You as a Christian Woman. This one was a hard one for me, but as I pursued God and asked Him, “Lord, show me how to be the Christian woman YOU desire me to be,” He answered loud and clear (that’s another story). Your identity is not in staying-at-home or working. I’ve been in both roles, and I know the struggle. Your identity as a woman is in Christ and in your partnership with your husband. If your husband supports you in working, then rest in the Lord’s word to you and the headship of your husband.

4. Have more fun time with your kids. I realized being a teacher could consume my not-at-school-time if I let it, so I intentionally made time to connect with the kids. I started to “date” my kids individually during this season and I often took all of them to breakfast before school for something special. Being a working-outside-the-home-mom may financially allow you to do things you could not have had done before. I wanted to be fully present as much as I could with my kids. I may not have had cookies for them when they came home from school, but we often stopped for a hot pretzel on the way home!

5. Give your kids responsibilities and have some sort of organizational system that meets your family’s needs. For us it was an erasable calendar and shoe bins. Each child had their own drawer in a plastic tub for shoes and whatever shoes they needed for sports went in there, along with anything else that was theirs. With kids at different ages and stages, having spots where everyone knows where things are can be essential. Give kids ownership, too, because it just helps them and you.

6. Have a cooking day and put meals in the freezer. This, for me, was the best investment of time. In 3-4 hours on a Saturday, I would have up to 25 meals (a lot of casseroles) in the freezer. I would also multiply things if I was in the kitchen cooking a regular meal. If I had to cook one pound of hamburger, I’d cook 3-4 pounds instead and put extra in freezer bags for quick meals (the same is true for rice, pasta, etc.). I would program my oven to turn on at noon and come home to a meal ready to go, or have it thaw during the day and stick it in the oven once I got home. A life saver!

7. Do laundry during the week. I was overwhelmed some Saturdays trying to do laundry, go to sporting events, and get the house somewhat clean. I bought a divided clothes hamper and would start laundry on Tuesday and would do a couple of loads a night. By Friday, all laundry was done, in the kids’ baskets, and was sent with the kids to their rooms to be put away. Since we had our 4th child, I have had a laundry basket for each child’s clothes. As I get them out of the dryer, I just put them in the perspective basket and it’s their job (since they were 5) to put them away. For us, this works.

8. Groceries – good luck. Most of the times I bought in bulk so I didn’t have to “shop” for 3 or 4 weeks other than the quick trips for perishables and the “Mom, I need this for school tomorrow” things.

Above all else, find what works for you (none of this may, but it’s what’s worked for us), and implement self-care. I started running at 34 because it was the only 30 minutes I had to myself. I never was at my house alone anymore. So, this became my solace. It might be a morning cup of coffee in a room by yourself on the weekend, or early bedtime for the kids so you can have some quiet time. You’ll need time for yourself. Don’t feel guilty for taking it.

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 30:31

These are just things that have worked for us. Working moms, what has also worked for you?

Blessings to all of God’s beautiful women!

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

We LOVE Non-Crafty Valentine Cards

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Written by: Krissy Nelson

So last week for Valentine’s Day my daughter and I created some one-of-a-kind “Non-Crafty” Valentine’s Cards. This time we amped up our original “Non-Crafty Craft ” of cutting squares from different colored note cards and this time we cut HEARTS! We commissioned the aid of other basic office supplies to create some very interesting (to say the least) custom Valentine cards (that I still have yet to mail…).

Now before you start throwing out accusations that I might actually be veering into full on craftiness… don’t worry… cutting hearts is actually EASIER and dare I say it MORE non-crafty than cutting squares! No ruler required! Simply fold the paper and cut a half heart shape along the folded edge and viola – you have a heart! Or multiple hearts depending on how many folds you made… and that’s it!

If you want to duplicate my non-crafty idea here’s what you’ll need: (but note, I recommend using what you have on hand…)

Colored note cards
Scissors
Plain white card stock
Non-Toxic glue stick
Markers, crayons, etc.
And a license for F.U.N! (OK… that was cheesy I know!)

After cutting out the hearts, spread some glue on the back and hand them over to your little one to do all the creative placement on the card. By using a non-toxic glue stick you don’t have to worry if it gets all over their hands or if they accidentally touch their face. The goal is giving them freedom to use their own creative liberties.

So now it’s time to queue the music and insert the intricate “how to” photo spread: (ok, there’s no music… I got a tad carried away…)

A prettier (yet less personalized) selection:

So the moral of all of this non-crafty fun remains – you don’t have to be a crafter to make some fun non-crafty crafts with your kiddos! Just use whatever you have laying around your house (literally) and let your kids imaginations soar. They will enjoy the special bonding time with mama and are none the wiser to your crafting limitations… as long as you are having fun!

Hmmm… what Non-Crafty crafts can we come up with next…??

What are some of your favorite Non-Crafty crafts?

Blessings,

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

Will I Survive the Toddler Years?

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

I’ve always considered myself to be a very patient person; even after I had children. I remained patient as my newborn cried through the night and I was up and down trying to figure out what she needed. I remained patient through the exploratory 12-18 month age when she was just learning the concept of “no” requiring me to be up and down A LOT in order to physically pull her away from the “no no” item(s): “Not for JJ”. Having made it through these stages with minimal collateral damage; other than a few extra wrinkles and a new found tolerance for sleep deprivation; I was confident the closer and closer my daughter got to the infamously labeled “terrible twos” that I was going to soar on through with no problem. Remaining calm, patient and loving…

But as any mom who has survived the toddler years knows, when children enter the curious “terrible two’s” they have a very special (I say clinching my teeth) and unique way of testing your patience.

They are relentless!

“Mommy… mommy… mommy… mommy….MOOOOOOMMMY!!!!”

“I want… I want… I want… I WAAAANT!!!!”

“No… no… no… no… no… NOOOOO!!!”

They never say anything just once… it’s always repeatedly…repeatedly…repeatedly… (It’s possible my toddler is rubbing off on me…)

Whoever said “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” must have been a mother! And was referring to the infamous toddler years!!

It’s hard to gain perspective when you are living in the belly of the beast! And that is currently where I am living – right in the thick of it with toddler #1 who is about to turn three and wants to do everything “my-self!” and toddler #2 who is in the lovely 12-18 month range opening drawers and climbing on everything. Between the two I don’t know how I am able to keep any form of sanity. They feed off of each other and I swear each morning they make some sort of secret pact, “Let’s see how we can drive mommy crazy today!”

Yes, surviving the toddler years can be challenging at times (a lot of the time), but when I take a step back and force myself to look at the world through their eyes I gain some much needed perspective. Sure, the frequent, relentless reminders and requests can be exhausting and pull at my very last nerve, but I when I look at the world through their eyes I can see what a special (no teeth clinching) time they are at in their lives. A time when everything is new and exciting, “shiny and new”! A time when anything is possible! Though I am constantly intervening to prevent nose dives in the carpet and finger pinches in drawers and doors… my children just living life! Living free of limitations! Living without a care in the world! What an amazing place to be! I think any one of us do whatever we could to live in this place even for a day!

It’s up to us as parents to help them navigate through this adventurous time in life safely. Providing boundaries. Preparing them for the “real world”. Giving them the security they need to know you are there to catch them when they are falling and mend their wounds if they hit the ground.

Yes, loving a toddler means pulling your hair out and testing your patience to the limit… but more than that, loving a toddler means you are helping develop confidence in a precious little human atop a foundation of love they can fall back on for the rest of their life; and a structure of security they can always lean on knowing that even through the tantrums and the relentless demands you will always love them… always…no matter what…

Dear Jesus, thank you for my precious, curious, relentless toddlers! Thank you for the opportunity I have as their mother to help guide them through life. Everything is bigger and brighter to them now making each and every component all the more enticing to explore. Be with me Lord, as I create boundaries for them. Increase my patience threshold and flood my heart with love… your love. This way I know when life gets intense and a bit overwhelming I will have the ability to take a step back and see the world through their eyes… through precious innocence. Replace my frustrations with compassion. Empower me to rise above the situation at hand and see the bigger picture. Allow grace to flood my heart as I navigate through this time in my children’s lives. In Jesus Mighty Name, amen.

What are some of your “go to” tips to surviving the toddler years?

Blessings,

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

Who Do You Love?

Posted on February 15, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Written by: Brenda L. Yoder

You meet the boy. You fall in love. You have the baby.

Who do you love?

It’s your valentine. Right?

You have another baby, and maybe another.

Who do you love?

I was reminded this week how easily family life takes over romance and love. Once kids come along, it’s easy for idols to creep in, diverting the primary love between man and woman. I’ve seen it too many times. It’s. So. Subtle.

Lack of sleep, stresses of demanding babies and toddlers, busyness of school activities and sports become distractions to family life. Children, themselves, can become idols. It’s easy for your spouse to become the enemy as arguments erupt over parenting styles or schedules. Children play one parent against another. It’s easy for parents to forget they are on the same team.

“My mommy doesn’t love my daddy anymore,” I’ve heard more than one child say as I work with elementary students as a school counselor. Another family fractured, another marriage bites the dust.

How does it happen? How do things slowly creep in, eroding the love a couple once had?

Couples can put children at the center of the marriage, robbing partners of energy, time, and interest for each other.
Couples can let the demands of meeting hopes and dreams for the family rob partners of the primary objective of loving one another.
Couples can let family roles take the place of relationship. Men and women can get more caught up in being moms and dads that they forget their first and most important role in the family is to be a woman and man who love and are committed to each other.
Couples can let small disagreements become large boulders dividing their cohesiveness. Disagreements over parenting, hopes for children, finances, and priorities can drive wedges that break the marital bond and covenant.
Couples can let their own issues overtake the family unit. Most of us have “stuff” we bring into our marriages that we aren’t proactive in taking care of. Individual problems, habits, or insecurities become magnified when children come and family stresses increase.
Couples don’t put individual relationships with Christ first before their marriage and family. I’m convinced this is the most damaging factor in Christian marriages. There’s a temptation to put the marriage itself on a pedestal that sits above Christ. It’s a subtle lie the enemy propagates in Christian circles – the lie that marriage is THE most important thing in married life. It isn’t. God is.

I’ve been married almost twenty-four years. Over the course of our marriage, we’ve seen marriages split up for a variety of reasons. Most reasons stem from one of the factors listed above. Before the affair, before the bitterness and hate, before the drug addiction, small things creep in. I’ve seen it in my own marriage. I’ve struggled to release bitterness, to give up my rights, to not run when conflict and strife dominated our relationship. When the going gets tough, it’s easy to say, “I’m done.”

Marriage is hard work.

I’m convinced personal relationships with Christ are the plum-line, the foundation that holds a marriage together when every other element is tearing it apart.

Theif Loving God first before your partner and children builds a foundation that holds when the storms come. Allegiances shift between children and spouses whether you want to admit it or not. But an allegiance to Christ above all other relationships guides priorities and responses when the subtle enemies invade. Trials and temptations in marriage will come. Being personally anchored in Christ above all else will equip you to withstand the furry when it comes.

There are good books on marriage and family. But when hurricane winds blow, only the Word of God, and the counsel, wisdom, and insight it gives will strengthen weary souls and clarify confused hearts. The enemy of God tries to confuse our hearts, displacing our love for God and our spouse into things that seem good – even our children.

Today, who do you love? Is your relationship with Christ first above all else? Is your love for your husband more than your love for your children? Are you more involved in fitting the ideal roles of marriage and family that you eliminate your time and passion for your Savior?

Who do you love? This Valentine’s Day, do you need a shift in your allegiances?

Love the Lord yourGod with all your heart, mind, and strength. Luke 10:27, NIV

Dear Father, will you become our first love? Will you shed light on areas where idols are creeping into our marriage, our family, our relationship with you? Will eliminate any confusion or mixed up priorities in our life so we can be the women you desire us to be as your daughters, as wives, and mothers. Thank you, Lord Jesus that your love is true and perfect. Amen.

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

The Lonely Road of Infertility (first in series)

Posted on February 14, 2013 by Kristen L. Nelson

Written by: Laura Rouse-DeVore

Valentine’s Day is always a very special day in our home. There are the obvious expressions of love between each member of our family – husband and wife, son and mom, son and dad, brother and brother; the list goes on. We are grateful to experience so much love in our lives from family, friends, and especially from our Heavenly Father. Valentine’s Day is very special in our home for other reasons as well. You see, eleven years ago this week, I received a very special revelation that was an unimaginable gift in the midst of some extremely painful circumstances.

I have never before written about this subject or shared my full testimony—which I intend to do in the weeks and months to come. But bear with me, as I share these personal and sometimes TMI moments and reflections with you from the most vulnerable places of my heart.

You see, I am an infertile woman; even though I did carry and give birth to three healthy, and very big, boys. If you are currently experiencing infertility or walking through the journey of infertility, please don’t discount my testimony based upon the fact that I am now a mother. You must know that our journey was painful and full of uncertainty… just like yours.

Like so many couples struggling with infertility, we felt alone and isolated. We felt like we were separated from the rest of the world, marked as childless, and subject to experience the pain of the process and the hurt of the social stigma alone while the rest of the world watched. I, especially, carried the weight of loneliness and isolation. I felt guilty and ashamed when someone would announce their pregnancy as I struggled to muster enough joy to congratulate them. We made a deliberate choice not to tell a lot of friends and family because we didn’t want the constant pressure of questions and advice…it was just too painful.

So we struggled through the journey…very isolated and very alone.

Enter Valentine’s Week 2002. For women who have tried to conceive, you will understand when I say this was the week we were waiting for that ”visitor”; hopeful that she would “delay her appearance” so that our dreams of being parents would be fulfilled.

It was a Saturday morning and my husband was scheduled to be gone all day helping some friends move into a new house. Right before he was to leave that “visitor” made her most unwelcome appearance. I was an emotional wreck! My hopes had been so high this month because we knew the medication had worked and that I had ovulated. My husband, poor guy had no idea how to console his emotional wreck of a wife, urged me to come with him to help our friends move. Wondering how much actual “help” I could be in my current state, I reluctantly agreed. I was especially nervous because I would have to drive separate from him because we were loaning them our truck for moving.

I had all of the face puffiness that goes along with crying the “ugly cry” and I was still sobbing tears of devastation as I backed our car out of our driveway…totally oblivious to the neighbor’s car which was parked at the end of our driveway. So over course, I ended up smashing his car door in! If that wasn’t enough, to add insult to injury, I had to present my puffy, tear-stained face to my neighbor and tell him I just damaged his car…

It was the lowest of lows for a girl who was desperately trying to remain positive and optimistic as her world crumbled around her.

After the painful and awkward “I hit your parked car, here is my insurance information” talk with my very gracious neighbor, we finally left to help our friends move. Little did I know this was a divine appointment God had set for me for that very day.

After sharing the devastation of my day; our friends were able to pour into my broken heart and soul words of comfort and encouragement. Unbeknownst to me, they had lost a son to birth defects when he was just 14 months old. They knew and understood grief and loss which was exactly what I was experiencing. Arguably, not to the same degree as them, but grief and loss of any sort is still valid and painful.

Later that day, my husband, who was trying his best to “fix” the situation for his broken, puffy-faced, grieving-wife; presented me with my Valentine’s gift. It was so simple, yet one of the most poignant and cherished gifts he has given me to date. It was a book “Empty Womb, Aching Heart” by Marlo Schalesky which was one of the few Christian books out at the time to deal with the topic of infertility.

Such a simple gift, yet it so profoundly impacted me.

I sobbed as I read through the stories about other women’s infertility journeys. I related to so many of the stories; it was such a cathartic experience for me. It took me a couple days to finish the book and when I was done I passed it along to my husband to read. When he was done I read it again. It wasn’t that the book provided some new, profound revelation that would change the strategy of our infertility journey. It was the stories. Stories from real women that God used to heal my heart and let me know that I was NOT ALONE in my infertility journey.

As alone and isolated as I felt – I realized I wasn’t alone. God was there with me. My husband was there with me. And my friend, who we helped move, was there with me too…

The reason I have begun to write this series and the reason that I want to be so vulnerable is to encourage you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are walking through the journey of infertility now or if there is any uncertainty about your ability to conceive in the future be encouraged that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you have struggled trying to conceive or if you remain childless, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God loves you deeply, intimately and through all of your struggles He sets encouragement before you and allows you to find deep revelation and healing in the simplicity of fellowship with others.

It is my prayer for each and every one of you today, that you would receive a greater revelation of the Heavenly Father’s love, that He would light your path with encouragement, and that you would remember, today and everyday you begin to feel isolated and lonely that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

As we embark on this journey together. I encourage you to contact me privately or publicly, so that I can be praying for you. I encourage you to share your experiences here. I encourage you to be vulnerable, as I share with you my testimonies of our own faith journey. You can email me directly at laura@notalonemom.com.

To read MORE from Not aLone Mom click HERE.

Not aLone Mom

Encouraging moms. Inspiring hope. Delivering a message – You are not alone!!

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The Lonely Road of Infertility (first in series)