Why do I feel so totally defeated after a mommy meltdown? The real question is, why do I have so many mommy meltdowns? But after 3.5 years of being a mother I have learned to stop asking why and just roll with it… praying that my meltdowns are limited.
Mommy meltdowns seem to be an inevitable part of being a mama, at least for me anyway. Which leads me to this dreaded question… is there something wrong with me? Seriously. Does every stay-at-home-mom of two toddlers under 4 years old struggle as I do with meltdowns?
Here is what I have come to learn about mommy meltdowns:
- They are inevitable
- They are frequent
- They are defeating
God is faithful and I have sensed many potential meltdowns diffused internally as I call on Him for patience and strength, “God help me. Strengthen me. Give me patience.” I cry out in my spirit as I feel my blood begin to boil.
But then there are these moments that seem to sneak up on me and before I know it I am yelling at my children! (Yuk!!) In the past I have been able to quickly escape to another room to diffuse my frustration, but now my 3.5-year-old runs screaming after me, “Mommy! Mommy!! Don’t go Moooooommy!!!!” She yells this over and over as I try to make a quick dash for my bathroom aka my quick get away aka my restoration room… You can imagine the added guilt I feel as I try to discern what is worse, staying in the room knowing a mommy meltdown is about to erupt or closing the door to my distraught toddler who wants her mommy. I honestly feel the latter is a better solution though this still feels like some kind of fallacy on my part… is there a third option I am not aware of??
Usually after a few minutes in the bathroom my heart-rate returns to its normal pace and I am able to return to my children. Oh, the pain I feel… the guilt… the defeat…
Does any other mama go through this? Please share because I often wonder… what is wrong with me?
If only I were stronger…
God help me please to overcome this sense of total defeat when I have a seemingly inevitable mommy meltdown. Forgive me Lord. Allow your peace to flow over me as I lay down at your feet humbly asking for your mercy, your grace, your strength, and your patience. Guard my heart and continue to intervene as I cry out, ‘Jesus help me’ when I feel my patience running thin. Guard the hearts of my children! They are innocent… they don’t know any better… protect them as their imperfect mommy seeks you for strength while navigating through this new world of being a mommy. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.